heart and soul

So this is me after I died for... a while.

BUT I MUST FANGIRL. MY FRIEND WENT TO SEE PANIC. AND I AM SO JEALOUS I CAN'T EXPLAIN! And so now, I'm just squeeing about the adorable Panic boys, honestly. I wish I could be all calm and mature about my liking them, but I CAN'T. They're just... SO awesome. I want to steal them and keep them in my closet for music and cuddles.

...I'm going to stop before I write ten pages about how much I adore them, because I totally could, too. *g*

So you know what I hate more than anything?

Bigotry. Intolerance. I'd go on for as many synonyms as I could find, but I think that would be redundant.

But what I hate more than that even is people who are educated, intelligent and caring who turn around out of the blue and are bigoted. People who've taught you much of what you know, who all of a sudden think using slurs like fag are acceptable. Honest to G-d, I just... it makes me want to explode. How can people who are so educated still retain stupid ideas like little boys who play with Barbies are automatically gay? That little girls who do stuff like wrestle and stuff have a great probability of being lesbian? Honest, honest honest honest, I could just deck these people. Just... I can't even formulate sentences to express how angry he makes me.

I mean, even looking at me. Even at a young age, I wrestled my brother and stuff. Does it look like I'm a lesbian? And half my lesbian friends are lipstick lesbians-- act like "girls," like girly girls too. I've got slightly effeminate gay friends, and guys who I'd never 'expect' to be gay too.

I don't know. I feel like going up to my Dad and going, "Oh look! I have muscular arms! I wrestled my brother! I do the guys' amount of push ups in dance class! You've made me realize--I'm lesbian! Thanks so much for informing me as to my true sexuality Dad, I owe you one!"

You know what, I don't care how immature that is. I'm doing it.

I hate generational gaps, too. -____-

Four Questions Left.

Come away with me in the night
heal my broken heart.
The tears that fall down
unnoticed
need to be seen
I need you to be here with me
I need your…everything.
But most of all, to be safe here with you
or to be safe there, but to be with you
any one of you that makes me feel safe
that can hold me close and stop me
from falling apart
like I wish I could.
I wish I could fall apart
and just leave this all behind.
I wish I could just disappear to my closet
or transport to some alternate universe where
life doesn’t get me down like this. where
the people who get me up aren’t
so far away.
So far away…
You’re so far away.

This is kind of getting hard. It's just one of those nights were I'm overloaded, and so my brain has shut down, and the only thing I can do is lay here and want want want, just...want. Want to be held, protected, loved by you. Either of you that I know love me.

G, I love how our love isn't restricted by that dumb boy/girl line. We just love each other, and it needs no explanation. We just do, and that's the way it works, and it doesn't matter if anyone else gets it, because we do. Kind of like the fishies, D60s and Orions. :)

D...I wish this was easier. It's all I can wish. I wish it was easier to be together, or to just move on properly, but I kind of know that's not going to really happen, for either of us. But I also love that about us...That it doesn't matter who we end up dating, we'll still be able to look at each other and go, "Yeah, we know that's there. We love it."

Ah, how I love and miss you both.. I miss being with you D, but most of all right now, I miss being with you, G. I miss being able to just go cruising and forget the rest of the world except for whatever we feel like doing. <3

Saturday Night

Saturday night
and it’s all alright
just thoughts of you + me
and sometimes the you changes,
but I just wanna see
what it could be if we wonder off,
into fun and into joy
into loving life, together.
Think that could work?
This you could wander with me?
Even though my lines don’t make that much sense
and I’m sometimes kind of tense?
I do my best, I swear I do
to make this, not break this, and stay true
I’ve never written my life out straight
and I’m wondering if it’s all innate
but we’ll never really know
so I say let’s go.
Let’s go have fun and joy and maybe even love,
if that’s what this is.
I don’t even care right now,
I just want to live and sing and dance and fun all the days away,
make the best of each one.
And you know…
you seem like you could be the best,
so maybe I’ll try for you?
I’ll try out anything,
just to stay true
to the way I’ve said I’ll live my life
with lots of love and hopefully little strife.
So just tell me,
is this right or wrong?
Would it make more sense in song?
This irregular poem with never ever stop,
just keep going
just to stay on top.
Think I could do that,
top your list
and just keep all this
perfect perfect perfect with only you loving me,
with only you on my side?

Yeah...Weird poetry comes out when I'm so bored out of my mind that I actually clean my room, and my desk, and then still have nothing to do. Preeeeeeetty darn weird. But I kinda like it.

Possibilities
There are so many
just flying around,
teasing me, taunting me,
making me dare to take
that extra step
maybe risk a little
because they tempt me so
with their games and lights.

And then you get in there with them
and you’re just as bad as them
and even worse
because when you say things like that
my heart stutters a little
to think of the possibility
that you’re serious,
that you really mean that,
and what could happen
if you are.

And somehow these words
sound so somber
but all I’m feeling is light and bubbly
happy with just the possibility
that this could happen.
that you could want it too…

I’ll love you, forever and always.
I know you’ll love me too.
Even as friends, that love’s so powerful.
And then…there’s the possibility
that there could be even…more.

Possibilities are fun...very very fun. Just to think that this could go...anywhere, really. Some of those anywheres, like us never speaking again because this gets awkward, would hurt...but really, though it is possible, it's really not probable. I mean, we've known each other for four years, and been best friends for three. I don't think we're about to drop such a great friendship just because we joked about hooking up. So I'm not really worried about that...I'm just excited, because of the other ones. And I don't' know how probable they are, because I have no idea if you were just joking, but hey--who cares? Either we go cruising to Daft Punk and just make each other happy as friends, or we do a little more along the lines of kissing, while listening to Daft Punk of course! Really, either works...I'm just happy with all the possibilities. And yeah...maybe a little curious, and excited, to see what will happen...if you really are seriously flirting with me.

I can't wait to get out of this school and drive over the mountains to see you!

<3

future.

No matter what clouds

are in the way

the sun will always,

always stay.

Never will there be no hope

There will always be ways to cope

People will be there

even if they don’t know you care

there will be friends

and means to ends

and you will never, ever

be forced to sever.

never will you be just the means

though sometimes that’s how it seems

there will always be hope

even when it’s hard to cope

the sun will come out

and tell you all about

the love, the light

and what else shines so bright.

because life, life itself

is never dull, on a shelf

life will restore hope

and remind you there’s no reason to mope

there will always be light

in the future so bright

there’s always a reason for going on

there’s always reason to keep strong.

So never lose faith, never lose hope

for faith you should never grope

just look outside, no matter how dark

and remember the sun will hit its mark

high in the sky

to raise you high

and cheer you up

and fill your cup.

The sun will always return

and through clouds burn

hope will restore

order once more

and life will make sense again

just like it does when you draw from the pen.

Hi World! It's just me here. I've decided to upsize my imprint on the internet, and start a livejournal too! Mostly thanks to thehousekeeper . Who I love muchly. And whose writing is just...phenomenal.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do here. Most likely, I will post poems and drabbles I write, and occasionally, maybe even a prose piece. I have a few.

Oh, right. I'm also joining fandoms...read Panic! and FOB fandoms. [EDIT: Just general bandom. :D] Much of the fandoms/bandoms, once again thanks to thehousekeeper . She's awesome. I'm sure she'll eventually train me to know how to actually navigate this, and all...

Soooo...see ya later, world!